Tom Phelan presented a discipline program recently to my school district. He was sensible...and funny...so we bought his book.

His advice is practical and well tested. His book sites many specific examples of what our kids do and say and what WE can do differently to change THEIR behavior.

He addresses discipline regarding 2 types of behaviors... "STOP" behavior (like bad words, hitting, whining and disrespectful attitude)and "START" behavior ( like getting the kids to do their homework, chores, clean up, use manners etc.)

He emphasizes that "the Magic" it is not so much the counting of...1, 2, 3 but rather how you choose to say it...in a calm yet athoritative manner so that the child knows the parent means business. He also talked about the importance of discussion outside the heat of the moment with the child either in a one-on-one discussion or a family meeting.

Our 2-way communication with our children now involves more listening to one another and less lecturing. I realized that I had been doing the count all wrong expecting the magic to happen...threatening and screaming the numbers at the top of my lungs finding myself reaching 2 and 3/4...2 and 7/8 and feeling my kids were in total control and that I was a failure with the technique that was working so well for my neighbor.

Listening to Dr. Phelan and reading his book has taught me how to use this method correctly and to my surprise it is actually now working with my 6 and 8 year old. If you have a toddler or preschooler like me, I found many more age appropriate positive discipline strategies in another complementary A-Z guide for parents of 2's, 3's, 4's and 5's...called "The Pocket Parent". Exclusively written only for this challenging 4 year age span, this book is chock full of hundreds of brief, specific bulleted suggestions and examples of handling the behaviors that drive you close to your wits' end! Both books are very compatible in philosophy and are worthy additions to your home library...POCKET PARENT for the little ones and 1,2,3 MAGIC for all ages.

The emphasis of this book is to be clear with your children: gentle & firm without throwing your own tantrum while making them respnosible for their own behavior. Lengthy explanations backfire so be brief and calm when disciplining your child. We have adopted this approach and we find it works well. It makes it easy to enjoy time with your child!

This book was hard to stomach right from the start, demeaning parents and children.

Children need to learn the respectful way to treat others, effective communication and the proper way to get their needs met. How can they learn these things when parents are just trying to get them to be quiet with counting??

Hitting siblings is another oppertunity to say "be gentle" and "Take turns."

A child having a tantrum will learn nothing if they don't first get their feelings validated.

Our parenting goals should be to help them become responsible, mature adults with a strong sense of self and family. Counting to three, does nothing but try and get them to shut up.

If a child is soiling when put in time out, that child needs attention and love. The author suggests moving time out to the bathroom, so the wetting will be easier to clean up. This is absolutely disgusting advice! This is abuse, in my opinion.

I am ashamed that I actually paid for this book.

This method, in my opinion, is just as much for cooling off the parents as directing the kids. Using 1-2-3 Magic gives me a recourse against my own frustrations at the gap between my expectations of my children's behavior and what they actually understand. I have gotten very positive comments in public when I simply hold up one or two fingers to direct my kids and by the second count my kids have corrected course to obey. They know that if they make me say, "Three," privileges will be revoked. Consistency is what it's all about.

This book is a God-send for anyone with children elementary - middle school age. As a teacher, I found it incredibly helpful to create and maintain a level of classroom discipline and structure that the little ones so desperately need in order to have the most fun without feeling like they're "in trouble" all the time. And if you're worried about not remembering who has how many strikes, don't worry = they rat each other out! It's a wonderful way for you as a parent (or a teacher) to form a stronger bond with your child / children, to make them understand action + consequences, and to strengthen a loving relationship where the arms are still open after their "time out" or whatever the suitable punishment is. It's very easy to master as it's based on a concept you and they can relate to = 3 strikes, you're out! Within a few days, you won't even get to 3 strikes, you'll realize the behavior changes by 1 or 2! Amazing :)